I have to blog on loneliness too, but it’s not a new feeling for me. I’ve felt it for years. Having grown up in a very conventional place, with relatively conventional (well to the rest of the world) parents, in a place that hated the non-conventional (far too many gypsy settlers for anyones liking…), I seem to have deviated completely; and so far, other than Nige I haven’t found anyone that I feel ‘at home’ with.
I have friends, but too many of them refuse to understand my choice to Home Ed, our dietary choices, our lifestyle choices (and that was before we moved to the woods). Sadly, the few friends I do have that seem to understand, or at least accept are not local, and so, seeing them becomes difficult, especially if they (as mothers) work outside the home or send their children to school, these limit physical availability.
I am, by nature a very shy person. I have always hated meeting new people, not because I don’t want to but because I don’t think I’m interesting enough, or worth other peoples time (yes, I know I have self esteem issues). But, acutally I love meeting new people, I love to hear their story, to find out about them, and I love making new friends. But, (I know, again with the but!) I find it hard to keep them going. My life, always feels like a madhouse, I have moments where I have felt utterly bored with nothing to do and no one to see, but mostly it feels like I don’t actually have time to breathe. I keep hoping for a time when this will all change. I think that’s partly in our ‘future’, the one that I can dream but can’t actually believe. The one where we live among others who feel the way we do about children, about nature, about ‘things’ (I say blogging from my laptop and owning an iPhone…). The one with the roundhouses, the veg plots and the neighbours. The one with the communal campfire, the shared responsibility and the sense of belonging.