honesty

i was thinking about honesty last night, and this morning. i’ve always tried to show how important honesty is to the girls. i’ve done my best to always be honest with them, tried to never make a promise i didn’t know i could keep and tried not to break any made in spite of trying not to (if you see what i mean!), i have never lied to them unless it was very important to do so.

and yet here i am being dishonest. my name isn’t barbara, my other halfs names isn’t tom and the children don’t go by the slightly odd names i’ve given them (except the youngest two (especially yogi as she actually only got a name yesterday…)(boo, well she’s only boo at home really)).

i’m not going to reveal our names, and it’s not in case some weirdo comes and finds us, it’s in case certain specific weirdos come and find us, if not physically, virtually. i don’t want certain specific weirdos ever finding us or knowing anything about our lives now and so i never use our names. tom has on his blog but as these certain specifics don’t really know anything about him i think it’d be hard to find me via him (i hope) – unfortunately it means i can’t link to his blog and i don’t want him linking to mine. certain aspects of my previous life make me a very private person, but i’m trying to change that, i just can’t change it completely. i want to share what we’re up to here, even if no one else reads it it feels nice to get it down and out there.

if we had ordinary boring names, if we were jane, john, mary, bob etc then i would have less issue but we don’t. i could’ve just changed our names slightly but that would feel more dishonest. at least by using tom & barbara you know that’s not us.

if my lack of honesty puts you off then i’m sorry, my lack of honesty is an attempt to keep us safe and that’s all i want really. i’d like you to read about what we’re doing here, about our growing and learning and hopefully increasing self-sufficiency (i never expect to actually be self-sufficient) and to share tips and advice but i don’t expect anyone to. what i write isn’t dishonest. i just change the names really. i may even stop changing the names one day but not for now.

actually you probably don’t care that i change the names, in that case sorry for my ramblings, i care that i’m not being honest, but i’m not changing that yet, i just wanted to explain – it makes me feel better so humour me.

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